So law and order has come to this: if the burglars don’t get your dosh, the cops might have a go

If he trips on your doorstep…could he sue???

Alf for years has been uneasy about the increasing recruitment of women into the police, no matter how butch or beefy they might be. When push comes to shove, or arrest turns to fisticuffs, you need a bloke, and the bigger the better.

Mrs Grumble takes issue with him on this matter, accusing him of being sexist and saying she would liked to have been a cop but…

But Alf feels his opinion has been well and truly validated by the case of a lady plod in Britain who failed to lift her feet while plodding – not high enough to get above a bit of kerbing, anyway – and she tripped.

Make that a double – if it doesn’t improve our fitness and health, it might blur the surgery stats

A report at Stuff about death rates of people from surgery (here) was almost sobering. It seems Alf is fast headed to join folk in an age bracket where the odds of coming out of hospital alive are much too short for comfort.

Mind you, the odds are even shorter for unhealthy elderly people, which has driven your hard-working member down to the Eketahuna Club for a stiffener.

He has taken that course on medical advice (here).

Yemeni murderer and sodomist miscalculated, if he thought the Saudis had run out of swordsmen

Not too long ago the authorities in Saudi Arabia were considering dropping public beheadings as a method of execution (see here) because of a shortage of government swordsmen.

But they must have found someone to keep up the good work, as we learn today from the Daily Mail (see here.)

A bloke by name of Mohammed Rashad Khairi Hussain got it in the neck after being convicted of murder and sodomy. The victim was a Pakistani national, Pashteh Sayed Khan.

Pita Sharples should show us he’s a democrat and put his leadership to the vote

Any curiosity we might have harboured about Maori attitudes to a good old-fashioned democratic vote are reinforced today by Pita Sharples.

The Maori Party co-leader has written an opinion piece for the Herald (see here) to set out his reasons for staying on in the job, paying no heed to fellow co-leader Tariana Turia and MP Te Ururoa Flavell who reckon his used-by date has expired and it’s time he stepped down, rather than stay on past 2014.

Gorgeous Gussie knew how to draw a crowd – and it wasn’t by spattering asterisks over her knickers

How to shock the Brits without using the Ni*** word…

Dunno if use of the Ni*** word is more generally repugnant than use of the c*** word.

Come to think of it, how do you pronounce Ni***?

The question is raised in the light of a fuss reported here about some words on a Christchurch roller derby player’s shorts.

According to the headline, the shorts sparked a racism row, although nothing in the report mentions anything that the Grumbles would regard as racist.

They are struggling, actually, to work out what the allegedly offensive words might mean.

When the Martians ask to be taken to the Anglican or Maori Party leader – how many will they meet?

So what does the Anglican Church have in common with the Maori Party?

Lots of leaders.

Alf was reminded of the similarity between the church and the Maori Party after the Bishop of Taranaki, Philip Richardson, was elected Archbishop and became one of three men who jointly share leadership of the church in this country (see here).

Bishop Richardson will share leadership duties with the leader of the Maori arm of the church, Archbishop Brown Turei, and with Archbishop Winston Halapua who is Bishop of Polynesia.

Sharing leadership is something the Green Party likes to do, too.

Kyle’s mum can take heart – there will be a place for her lad in a Trappist choir, if he remains mute

Alf was fascinated by a report in the Dom-Post today (see here) about a lad of almost five who has taken reticence to an extreme.

The lad’s name is Kyle Sell and he has never talked.

He does not know his own name and has only just moved from a cot to a bed.

And the medical profession is baffled.

Relocation, relocation, relocation – one of two kura kaupapa schools has to be given its marching orders

Here’s hoping Hekia is all geared up to flit down to Christchurch and sort out two Maori immersion schools.

One of them must move.

But as Stuff tells us here, they are a stroppy twosome.

Stubborn, too.

Each of them seems determined to fight the Government’s decision.

Dame Susan shows Radio NZ she has a useful lob shot for dealing with provocative questions

And then there’s the kill shot…

Gotta say it was encouraging to get some idea of what Dame Susan Devoy has to say about Waitangi Day.

Or rather, what she has written about Waitangi Day.

Some tosser on Radio NZ’s Morning Report this morning (listen here) was obviously hoping she would expand on what she had written and tried teasing her into saying something untoward. She had the good sense to be circumspect. She should have hit him in the nuts with her squash racquet.

She was circumspect – or rather, considered about what she said as you will find here – because she has just been named Race Relations Commissioner.

Let’s see if Susan Devoy can make a better fist of it than Joris as our Race Relations Commissioner

Alf was hugely buoyed by news that Joris de Bres is moving on.

His good friend and colleague, the formidable Crusher Collins, has named Dame Susan Devoy to take over as Race Relations Commissioner.

She announced the news (here) today –