It’s a real shame when soaps need cleaning up or putting beyond the reach of kiddies

So which one would you rather see in the all-together?


Alf does not bother watching Coronation Street, because if he is not attending to important matters of state as MP for Eketahuna North he is relaxing down at the Eketahuna Club.

Thanks to Labour’s Lianne Dalziel, therefore, and to Mrs Grumble’s research, he has been alerted to the huge threat to the welfare of our children presented by exposure to the programme.

Dalziel is publicly complaining that television has become so raunchy that even Coronation Street is no longer acceptable for children’s viewing.

She was banging on about broadcasting standards during a commerce select committee hearing yesterday.

The “Adults Only” television watershed should be brought back to 7.30pm, she contended, because 8.30pm no longer reflects the content of the shows broadcast.

As the Herald tells us, adults-only programming starts at 8.30pm and broadcasters have to be careful not to show risque scenes too soon after that.

But it seems Coro has become risque.

Dalziel recalled that Ena Sharples ruled supreme in the days when she watched the soap as a child, “and I would have to say its content at that stage was unremarkable”.

“The most raunchy part of it was Elsie Tanner having a divorce. But there was no question around parents being able to be sure about what their children were watching.”

But she had seen the British soap opera recently after years of not watching, and “was shocked”.

This surprised Alf, because she has never seemed the sort who would shock easily.

But she reckons Coronation Street nowadays deals with

“…incredibly complex issues, serious issues, that challenge some of the values parents would want to instil in their children”.

It wasn’t that there were explicit sex scenes on Coronation Street.

But recent storylines have included a murder, kidnapping, prostitution, transgender issues, an affair and drug addiction.

If there are no explicit sex scenes, however, how come the Herald carries a photo of a character called Rosie Webster with a “censored” sticker over it?

The caption says –

Some of the original characters would be shocked by the hotel sexual antics of Rosie Webster.

Alf becomes very curious when he sees a “censored” sticker and wants to have a look.

But that’s not all.

Ms Dalziel said she was also “shocked” at the number of children who watch Shortland Street.

“Anything children are watching from after the news is not safe, necessarily. Nor is the news itself, sometimes.”

She’s starting to sound like Alf’s maiden Aunt Mabel, who was bothered about her nepher watching Doinald Duck because he wears a top but no pants.

The immediate consequence of Dalziel’s dismay was to put Mrs Grumble on to the job of finding out how things have changed since Ena’s heyday.

She dug up an item about a “new young face on Coronation Street”, the “stunning” Michelle Keegan, who was “already getting male viewers hot under the collar”.

She told The Sun she would happily strip NUDE for an acting role – and was planning more glamorous sessions in the studio to show off her curvy body.

Michelle, 20, who is being dubbed the new Tina O?Brien, says: “If the script was right I’d go nude for a sex scene.

“Obviously I’m not going to need to do that in Coronation Street but in the future, why not? It?s not real, it?s just acting, and it would be my job to do it.?”

A Kate Ford, another Coronation Street star, apparently has bared all as part of a poster campaign urging the Ministry of Defence to stop using bearskin for The Queen’s Guards’ caps.

The actress said she was angry about the suffering that bears in Canada endured when they were baited, shot, killed and skinned just to be part of British soldiers’ uniforms.

In the sexy ad, shot by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta), she was pictured next to the slogan: ‘Bare Skin, Not Bearskin’.

Another report dug up by Mrs Grumble says Street fans want a bit more Carry On with their Corrie.

According to the soap’s creator Tony Warren, viewers are desperate for more scenes of Kym Marsh in the buff.

Kym, who plays Michelle Connor, caused a stir last year when her character accidentally dropped her towel in front of a hunky builder as she was getting out of the bath.

Tony said: “Once, I paid for a taxi and didn’t have enough change for a tip and the cabbie said, ‘Don’t worry – just give us another scene of Kym Marsh in a bath tub.'”

As for Rosie Webster, she is played by Helen Flanagan.

Apparently Ms Flanagan has admirable cleavage and has been voted Miss Soap Boobs by The Sunday Sport.

Mrs Grumble also tracked down You Tube clips of Rosie Webster doing very naughty things, such as trying to seduce her teacher

He will be headed for the local school in the next day or two to make sure similar antics are not repeated there by copy-cat – or should that be copy-kitten? – students.

One Response to It’s a real shame when soaps need cleaning up or putting beyond the reach of kiddies

  1. […] Alf Grumble MP seems a big fan of Rosie Webster whose assets have been displayed in other spheres and you will be […]

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