Way to go, your Maori Majesty – and may we draw your attention to the merits of a few beheadings

A monarch with balls doesn't have to be too figurative when chopping heads.

Not for the first time, the monarchy-admiring Alf is given cause to express his admiration for a king who behaves in a kingly way.

He refers, of course, to King Tuheitia, the Maori monarch, who has sacked a top Tainui figure after she wrote a critical report she wrote about the tribe’s finances.

Something to do with preserving his mana, Alf understands.

The Herald describes this as an extraordianry step, although Alf can only express surprise that it doesn’t happen more often. If a bloke has monarchical authority, he should bloody well use it.

King Tuheitia, indeed, has been a bit slow in removing one Tania Martin, an elected official, as the chairwoman of Waikato-Tainui’s parliament Te Kauhanganui, which represents the tribe’s 66 marae.

Ms Martin, who represents Hiiona Marae, was dismissed after writing a report to tribal members that criticised spending by Tainui’s executive board, Te Arataura. She also criticised board chairman Tuku Morgan.

King Tuheitia said Ms Martin’s report was based on inaccurate figures and she had issued it without giving board members a chance to respond.

“She is well aware of the damaging errors in her report,” he said.

“She has been taken through them several times. She has told my [representative] that she has made a major mistake.”

A king need not explain himself to the bloody hoi-poloi, of course.

King Tuheita accordingly is becoming a tad generous in issuing what is described as a a detailed statement, saying he had asked Hiiona Marae to remove her, effectively dismissing her from the parliament.

But the marae rejected the request – an act of defiance that (if Alf were king) calls for a raft of beheadings.

This Maori King obviously needs hardening, although he did the next best thing –

The King dismissed her in his capacity as paramount chief.

“They declined to do so on the grounds that this matter should be handled within the disputes process of Te Kauhanganui. This is not possible because Mrs Martin’s actions have rendered Te Kauhanganui dysfunctional,” King Tuheitia said.

“She has agreed several times to issue an apology to members of Te Arataura, but has not delivered on those agreements.

“She has committed to meet with Te Arataura and accept offers of mediation of her dispute, and has repeatedly failed to meet those commitments.”

In the upshot, there seem to be fascinating differences over some numbers.

In her report, Ms Martin put the board’s costs at $1,703,000. The king says the true figure is $656,000.

The way Alf sees things, you can send in all the auditors in the world to sift through the books, but if a king says the true figure is $656,000, then that’s what it is.

Oh, and then this Martin woman seems to have been flirting with the media (more successfully than Alf, it would seem, because she has made it into the headlines whereas he has not).

King Tuheitia said Ms Martin was supposed to meet him last Thursday, but she postponed the meeting as she was receiving medical treatment.

He found out she was being interviewed by a current affairs show.

Alf is interested to see how things will work out, because Martin was not dismissed by the people who elected her. Sure enough, the plebs are arguing only those who did the electing have the right to give her the heave-ho from office.

You can be sure the lawyers will do nicely out of taking up that matter.

But again, the king has behaved in a magnificently monarchical and laudable way by appointing Te Arataura representative Greg Miller as interim chairman until the parliament meets in February.

This is how things should be run.

If Her Majesty the Queen thinks things are going off the rails – as often they did when Helen Clark was running the show – she should be able to ask contituents to sack the PM.

And if they didn’t, just as the Maori King has done, she should be able to do the job herself.

Flinging Clark and any other stroppy elected representatives into The Tower for several years is another option.

Alf accordingly commends Her Majesty to the example set by King Tuheitia.

According to the Herald –

The removal is a further sign the king is becoming more active in tribal politics.

Previously, the tribe has said he should stay above day-to-day matters.

In the upshot, Alf presumes the Maori King reads this blog and took on board the advice given here back in March.

Basically, the advice was to toughen up and behave like a King.

At that time the Maori King was threatening to abdicate his title if tribal members did not fall into line.

Alf advised him the buggers who were bothering him should be much more servile.

The upstarts were doing much the same as what Martin has done – asking questions about how the Maori King spends their money and what-have-you.

And so Alf advised him to take a lesson from dear old Mother England and the way we did things in the good old days.

Henry VIII serves as a useful role model. He would marry whoever he wanted to marry, and he would name whoever he wanted to serve as his close advisers.

He would also spend the people’s money – oops, sorry, his money – on whatever he bloody well wanted.

The Maori King should take note and behave accordingly.

Alf pointed out that a strong king bows down to nobody and certainly would not abdicate because he is pissed off with the questioning from a few upstarts.

He would chop their bloody heads off.

The King has done just that, albeit in a figuarative way. Alf recommends a more literal blood-letting next time.