The cuckoo clock made lots of sense

Oh, and were you tuned in to Checkpoint last night, when Mary Wilson interviewed Maori academic Ranginui Walker about Hone Harawira and the goings on in the Far North.

He described Hone as “an organic intellectual” and “an action man” and lamented it was unfortunate the nation wants him sent to Coventry.

Well, no, the nation does not want to send him to Coventry, although it does seems the Maori Party would like to send him there. Or anywhere.

Ranginui banged on about the whole thing having been “a beat up”, which speaks a lot about race relations in New Zealand.

He said it was time we matured as a nation and understood the dynamics at work and accepted Hone’s rhetoric for what it is – a political rhetoric borrowed from Black Muslims. Blah, blah, blah.

It was not hateful, Ranginui insisted – that’s a Pakeha interpetation. (although he agreed the Maori Party would prefer Hone tone it down).

Towards the end of the interview, a cuckoo clock could be heard in the background.

“Cuckoo, cuckoo…”

Alf reckons Mary should interview the clock next time.

Don’t be rushed, now, Hone

Alf was delighted by a Waatea News report on the shindig in the Far North where the Maori Party tackled the stroppy Hone Harawira about his political future.

According to Waatea News, Hone was given “just two weeks” to consider the proposal that he leave the party and become an independent MP.

What are they trying to tell us? That a bloke like Hone is a bit slow in the thinking department and needs more than two weeks to decide? Wonder how long it took him to decide to bugger off to Paris with Hilda, or to hit the send button and despatch the vituperative e-mail that has landed him in trouble.

Why would we want to become part of the Land of Oz?

The Dominion newspaper’s team in the Parliamentary Press Gallery some three decades ago – or was it more? – included a young buck called Bernard Lagan. Bit of a smart-arse, the way Alf remembers him.

Time hasn’t improved him. He is now peddling the smart-arsed idea that New Zealand become a member of the Australian Federation.

He has written an article for the Sydney Morning Herald peppered with a bit of history about Canberra Avenue, which is the only one of the Australian national capital’s radial roads not named after an Australian state capital.

The disgraceful muzzling of Murray Mexted

Murray Mexted, who has won a world-wide reputation for his expressive use of the English language, seems to have much the same problem as Hone Harawira.

He is in trouble for speaking his mind. Or so it seems.

Rugby personality Murray Mexted has claimed he was suspended from the Sky commentary team after criticising plans to cull four teams from the Air New Zealand Cup.

Hone should not say sorry for being candid

Having heard a heap of stuff about Hone Harawira and his vituperative e-mail to Buddy Mikaere, Alf reckons it would be daft for the Maori Party hell-raiser to apologise to the nation for comments he made about white people.

According to the NZ Herald, he will have something to say today about the row in which he has embroiled himself thanks to his flair for (a) troughing and (b) spewing racist bile.

It will be the first time the Te Tai Tokerau MP has publicly spoken about an email, criticised as racist, that he sent to a party supporter who had asked him who paid for a trip the MP and his wife made to Paris.

No other Maori Party MPs are expected to be present at Waipapa Marae in Auckland. However, Mr Harawira may be supported by high-ranking party leaders.

But Alf sees no point in Hone apologising for saying what he thinks of pakeha if – as seems pretty obvious – that’s what he does think of them. Or for using bad language if he thinks it’s good language or effective language.

Contrition shows Rodney has more balls than Hone

Dunno who or which was the sorrier.

Rodney Hide, the self-proclaimed perk-buster who belatedly has realised the extent of the political capital he squandered on defending his travels with his paramour.

Or the spectacle of the aforementioned Rodney Hide expressing his apologies to the public of New Zealand.

Or Hone Harawira, for not saying sorry.

Or the Maori Party, for harbouring Hone.

In the Hide case, the pity is that Rodney’s hormones have been more powerful than his judgement (although Alf regards that awful yellow jacket as good reason for wondering if he ever had good judgement).

Is public service the place for coulrophobics?

Alf was bemused by the story of the Department of Labour’s dealings with a staffer who suffers coulrophobia.

Her ailment has resulted in the department’s social committee removing posters advertising a staff Christmas function from the floor where she works.

This curious saga started with the social committee deciding this year’s Christmas party would have a circus carnival theme and put up advertising posters depicting a clown.

Hone thinks of quitting – hurrah (but can he give up the pay and the perks?)

Well, well, well. Hone Harawira is thinking of quitting as an MP.

Surely not! The bugger has been relishing the nourishment from the public trough for too long and Alf is putting his money on him staying to enjoy the perks for another three years.

More’s the pity.

But if he did quit, would it be because he recognises he has behaved disgracefully and should fall on his sword? Or his spear? Or whatever is sharp enough to pierce his outrageously thick hide?

Nah. The bugger is spitting the dummy because he has a problem governing in coalition with we Nats.

The Dom-Post tells us –

Firebrand Maori Party MP Hone Harawira – under attack for an explosive email – says he could quit at the next election over his party’s support for National.

Forget the diplomacy and send in the Navy

Alf has simple advice for Foreign Affairs Minister Murray McCully, as the Government considers what action to take in response to Fiji’s expulsion of acting New Zealand Deputy High Commissioner Todd Cleaver yesterday.

Send gunboats, provided – of course – (a) we can find some and (b) we can spare them.

The need for a display of force was raised by Fiji’s Barmy Banana ordering out Mr Cleaver and Australia’s High Commissioner James Bartley.

You only need pollsters when you’ve lost your grip

Must have a quiet word with Internal Affairs Minister Nathan Guy. The poor bugger should be getting out and about in his electorate much more – notwithstanding his ministerial workload – instead of paying bloody pollsters to find what people think of him.

Alf has no need for pollsters. He is in close touch with his constituents, and hence knows that the vast bulk of them regard him as hard-working and (for his age) good looking. That’s why electoral support for him is greater than Winston Peters’ ego.

Nathan, alas, doesn’t seem to know how he rates among his constituents.

And so he has organised a telephone poll to gauge Kapiti residents’ preferred expressway option – a highly contentious issue in that neck of the woods – as well as his own popularity.