Vegetables have feelings, too, but there are good reasons for not giving them their commissioner

July 28, 2014

Alf must have over-imbibed last night, because he thought he heard a news item about someone promising to establish a commissioner for animals, to do for animals what a commissioner for children does for the nation’s sprogs.

Mrs Grumble was assigned to do some googling to dig out the item, so Alf could see who was championing God’s Creatures in this way.

She found the NZ Vegetarian Society not so long ago was prompted by video footage of pig farms – shouldn’t it be hoofage? – to call for the appointment of an independent Commissioner for Animals.

But she did not find any recent announcement of a party pledge to answer the call and deliver the goods.

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Impertinent media are now poking into Paul’s Parliamentary perks and politicking

July 27, 2014
If the taxpayers didn't want us to slurp from the trough, they would stop filling it.

If the taxpayers didn’t want us to slurp from the trough, they would stop filling it.

Alf observes that a party bench-mate, Paul Foster-Bell, has been a quick learner of how to slurp from the Parliamentary expenses trough.

At first he seemed unaware of how far a fellow can go when travelling at the expense of the taxpayer.

But he has quickly learned how to making the most of it.

This is all to clear from a record of his expenses published today at Stuff, which gives him no credit for keeping his expenses so low in the second quarter of 2013.

Data published by the newspaper show his claims record has been:

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Hanky-panky in the hammock? We can only wonder what Nelson would make of these manoeuvres

July 26, 2014

first-mate-wall-clock

Alf is very old-fashioned, when it comes to allowing the recruitment of females to the armed forces and to the promotion of these females too far up the command chain.

He has always held strongly to the view that this can only lead to hanky-panky of a sort best avoided, especially if this hanky-panky were to so preoccupy a couple that the enemy could sneak up on them and catch them with their pants down. This inevitably would put your comrades’ lives in danger.

For the same reason Alf has been disinclined to support the modern-day notions of equality that allow known homosexuals to join the armed forces. It means we are putting the defence of the realm in the hands of blokes and sheilas who may be overcome by their rampant hormones at a tactically vital moment to put a bit of coupling ahead of their military priorities.

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Boys on a beach, hospital patients and now people sheltering in a UN school show Ben’s bulldog streak

July 25, 2014
"We shall wipe the  bastards out before they can ever think of surrender..."

“We shall wipe the bastards out before they can ever think of surrender…”

Gotta say the Israelis have more than their share of gall.

Blasting the crap out of Hamas militants is one thing. Hamas militants deserve everything they get.

And let’s face it, the Hamas heavies aren’t too fussy about how many Israeli civilians they kill, although their strike rate isn’t nearly as good as that of their foes in Israel.

Because Hamas isn’t too fussy, Israel isn’t too fussy about what happens to civilians who get in the way of shells intended (in their commanders’ rhetoric at least) for militant Hamas rocket launchers.

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A nice speech from Tariana but she didn’t make much of the papa bit of her whakapapa

July 24, 2014
The Greens make their presence felt in the Waiatament.

The Greens make their presence felt in the Waiatament.

Tariana Turia – lovely lady, don’t get Alf wrong – seems to have overlooked half of her whakapapa in her valedictory speech this evening.

We heard something about the Whanganui river and the mountains and umbilical chords and all that spiritual  stuff that tells us Tariana has a different world view from Alf’s.

We got to hear about other bits of her heritage. But only the Maori bit.

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John Colman gets his right of reply

July 24, 2014

One John Colman has demanded the right of reply to something Alf posted  so long ago he had forgotten it. He imagines his constituents in Eketahuna North had forgotten it too.

The original item dealt with this Colman feller’s contretemps with the Brethren Church and our legal system and with some of the more robust language he could pull from his colourful vocabulary.

Alf is happy to give Colman his right of reply, but not exactly the way Colman expressed it. He has excised some of the naughty words (exercising his editorial prerogative) and one or two bits of Colman’s story that might land him or Alf in further trouble with the law.

He further points out that Colman won’t win Alf’s sympathy by describing him and Mrs Grumble as dickheads.

But as the constituents of Eketahuna North would tell him, Alf is a fair-minded fellow and willing to allow him his right of reply.

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Wall and the Warriors of Change go on the warpath – don’t laugh, folks – over a newspaper cartoon

July 22, 2014

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People who were pissed off with cartoons published in The Press and the Marlborough Express last year did what we are all entitled to do and expressed their objections at the time.

They exercised something wonderful called their freedom of speech (as did the enterprising Toyota dealer who devised the advertisement shown here).

Soon there was a debate raging. Were the cartoons racially offensive – or were they not?

And then we were all huffed and puffed out. It was all over. Or should have been.

Alas, some sad bastards get their knickers in a serious twist and want to see heads roll if they have taken offence or otherwise been affronted. Read the rest of this entry »


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