No, we aren’t all at fault for dangerous forests and headline writers who say otherwise should be sacked

November 1, 2014
If people stay out they won't be hurt.

If people stay out they won’t be hurt.

Alf will be taking up the matter of a new law to punish headline writers who mislead their readers.

We already have laws to deal with misleading advertising.

Why not laws to deal with misleading headlines?

The thought has crossed Alf’s mind on many previous occasions, but was reignited by something he spotted in the NZ Herald today:

Dangerous forests everyone’s fault: report

“Bugger me,” your hard-working member was prompted to fret.

“What have I done to make our forests dangerous?”

The answer, of course, is nothing and he soon became irked that he had needlessly suffered pangs of guilt.

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There are times when a judge should not listen to a dead bloke’s mollycoddling dad – and this was one

October 31, 2014

The father of a Lower Hutt man who was shot dead last year is a remarkably merciful fellow.

And this is where they belong.

Here’s where they belong.

He says he has forgiven his son’s killers. Moreover he has asked that they not be banged up in a place where all felons should be sent to ensure they can do no mischief to anyone except fellow felons.

The killers are Shane Harrison, 44, and Dillin Pakai, 20.

They were found guilty by a jury in September of murdering Sio Matalasi and reckless discharge of a firearm.

In the High Court at Wellington this morning, Justice Jillian Mallon had the huge good sense not to listen to the victim’s mollycoddling poppa.

She sentenced Pakai to life in prison for murder with a minimum non-parole period of 12 years and three months.

And she sentenced Harrison to life imprisonment with a minimum non-parole period of 13 years.

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Surly to bed, surly to rise – and you can blame it on a gene that affects your serotonin

October 30, 2014

Alf is often accused of being a grumpy old bugger.

But the paint could be covering up his grumpy gene.

But the paint could be covering up his grumpy gene.

It transpires he was born that way.

He has learned this today from an account of some  work by scientists at Warwick University who have discovered the gene responsible for serotonin levels in the brain is responsible for setting one’s mood.

The shorter the gene, the lower the levels of the mood-enhancing hormone.

The longer the gene the higher the levels of serotonin, and so people are happier.

Danes are found to be happiest, and they happen to have the longest form of the gene.

People in France are most miserable, with the shortest form of the gene.

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Mules are badly maligned by being associated with drug smuggling – but what about asses?

October 29, 2014

'Arrivals' 'Drugs Mule'

The Rotorua Daily Post today reported that cops  who stopped an alleged drug mule near Taupo claim to have  found $500,000 worth of methamphetamine hidden in his truck bound for Christchurch.

A 54-year-old bloke was pulled over by police on State Highway 1 because of the manner of his driving, according to the report.

His Chevrolet Silverado truck apparently was searched and officers say they found 0.5kg of P concealed in four separate containers hidden under linings of the truck deck.

Police reckon the drugs were picked up in Auckland and the bloke they arrested was taking them to Christchurch.

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A bit left of centre you’ll find a feller who is trying to flush out how Steffan Browning earns his keep

October 28, 2014

A_Pig_Eating_From_a_Trough_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_100528-231845-487009

Alf took umbrage yesterday at a Stuff political hack’s focus on the fall of two former ministers, Crusher Collins and Maurice Williamson, to the bottom of the party pecking order.

Trouble was, this hack also saw fit to disclose their pay and perk entitlements.

This was discomforting for the Member for Eketahuna North because it was apt to give his constituents a pretty good idea of his earnings.

But today is another day and – hey – there has been a change of heart.

That’s because Alf has been familiarising himself with a new blog, Slightly Left of Centre, operated by a feisty  bugger by name of Josh Foreman.

This Foreman feller questioned the Greens about what Steffan Browning has done to earn his keep.

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See who’s on the bottom rung of the National MPs’ pecking order – yep, its Maurice and Crusher

October 27, 2014
"There are only two of us Maori Party MPs, so we both get get a co-leader's share of the swill."

“If we formed another party and became co-leaders, we would each get a bigger share of this swill.”

Not for the first time, Alf is seriously pissed off with a Parliamentary Press Gallery hack who has seen fit to draw attention to MPs’ pay packets and perks.

It was not done directly by naming Alf.

It was done, nevertheless, by drawing attention to the salaries and perks of some fellow back-benchers. The good citizens of Eketahuna North are a bright bunch, quite capable of working out – roughly – the going rate for their local member.

Next bloody thing you know  they will be asking him to do the shouting, either in the pub or at the Eketahuna Club, because obviously he is paid much too much and can afford it .

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Olly and his willy – excision was a bloody silly way to respond when girlfriend said he did not measure up

October 25, 2014

Alf has forgotten when he first learned it is imprudent to chop off your nose to spite your face. It has always struck him as being very good advice.

The expression is used to describe a needlessly self-destructive over-reaction to 271647-pantsa problem – it’s a warning against acting out of pique, or against pursuing revenge in a way that would damage oneself more than the object of one’s anger

A bit of research by dipping into Wikipedia shows the phrase may be associated with the numerous legends of pious women disfiguring themselves in order to protect their virginity.

Wikipedia gives the example of Æbbe the Younger, the Mother Superior of the monastery of Coldingham. In 867 AD, Viking pirates from Zealand and Uppsala landed in Scotland.

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